CGV Ventanas

Pokémon Black and White introduced gamers to a fifth generation of Pokémon, bringing the whole number of pocket monsters to just beneath a billion. With so many Pokémon available, how is a coach supposed to learn which ones would be the best? Simple: I’m about to let you know which ones would be the very best. So grab a pencil and some paper — you’re going to want to take notes.

I am obviously a Pokémon expert, as evident by my magnificent analysis of some of the newest Pokémon from the first Black and White. But because I’ve yet to play Version 2, I requested my fellow editor Kyle to give me his selections of the best Generation V Pokémon, so I could offer my professional assessment of them for your edification. However, it didn’t take me long to realize his selections are all horrible, therefore after assessing his pathetic lineup, I am also providing what are the actual best Gen V Pokémon.

Pignite

Kyle told me Tepig was his starter Pokémon, so I’m guessing he thinks Pignite is amazing due to his own silly, sentimental attachment. There are just two issues with this. First, Oshawott is clearly the best starting Pokémon out of B&W (though Tepig remains superior than the snooty jerkbag Snivy). Second, why would he select Pignite rather than Emboar? He probably was not good enough to evolve his own Pignite to its final shape. No matter Pignite remains fairly good.
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Official Pokémon Rating (as decided by me): 5

Watchog

I made fun of Watchog within my prior analysis — specifically, I questioned how great of a lookout Watchog could be if he got caught by a trainer in the first place. Notably Kyle! Watchog does look amazingly pissed off, however, so he can probably bully weenie Pokémon like Deerling.

I’m seriously starting to question Kyle’s Pokémon-choosing skills. Herdier isn’t a Pokémon. He’s a Scottish Terrier. Guess what happens if you try and earn a couple of Scottish Terriers combat each other? You go to jail for dog fighting, that is what. I am calling the ASPCA, Kyle!

Tirtouga ends up being better than most of Kyle’s choices, but I have to wonder: Why do we need another turtle Pokémon once we’ve already obtained Squirtle? I get that Tirtouga really is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still looks like he’s horning in on Squirtle’s game, also Squirtle is straight up O.G. — I certainly wouldn’t mess with him.

Kyle clearly did not read my past Pokémon analysis, since Musharna is just another disturbing selection that I took to work. Here is what I wrote before:

«My God, that Pokémon remains a fetus! What type of sicko will earn a fetus struggle?»

Clearly we now have the answer: Kyle is that sort of sicko.

Coming Up : More lousy picks by Kyle…

Solosis

What is with Kyle’s obsession with Pokémon who haven’t even had a opportunity to completely form yet? Solosis is still tacky, for crying out loud. I believe that it’s clear what is happening here: Kyle isn’t very good at Pokémon, so he picks the weakest monsters he can find in order to have an excuse when he or she wins. In that sense, Solosis is a excellent option.

Yamask? More like Yakiddingme? This Pokémon’s entire character is built around its mask, which it just holds with its tail. What do Yamasks do with their own masks? As stated by the Pokédex,»Sometimes they look at it and shout.» That does not sound helpful in any way! Yamasks are much worse compared to evolved form, Cofagrigus, which all of us know is just a sarcophagus with wacky legs and arms.
Official Pokémon Rating: Dumb

Minccino

I’ve zero issue with this choice.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10

Deino

Apparently, Deino thinks he is a member of The Beatles. I never thought I’d sort this sentence, but this dragon should have a haircut. However, a mop-top monster remains technically a dragon, so he has that going for him. Also, Deino is a Dark/Dragon hybrid, which is much better compared to a Rainbow/Dragon hybrid, or Candycorn/Dragon hybridvehicle, or whatever other stupid Pokémon types there are. But, Deino can finally evolve into Hydreigon, at which time his front legs turn into two more heads.
Official Pokémon Rating: Quicker Than Hydreigon

Beartic

Hey, what can you know? Kyle finally picked a cool Pokémon! Granteda blindfolded monkey could have chosen better Pokémon compared to just my fellow editor did, but this choice (almost) makes up for it. Beartic is categorized as a Freezing Pokémon, who’s actually made from icehockey, and his level one ability is called Superpower. That’s correct, Beartic begins with Superpower.

More than anything else, I’m simply impressed that Kyle didn’t select Beartic’s unevolved kind, Cubchoo (the snot-dripping teddy on the best ).
Official Pokémon Rating: 9

Now that we’ve endured through Kyle’s horrendous picks, let us take a look at what exactly are in fact the best Pokémon of White and Black Version 2, as picked by an expert…

The Real Greatest Pokémon:

Samurott

I was not kidding when I said Oshawott was the clear choice for a starting Pokémon, also Samurott is the main reason why. Oshawott’s goofy seashell (which still kind of seems like a wang for me) even evolves into amazing Shell Armor, also judging by Samurott’s pecs, that Pokémon is ripped. Want further proof? Samurott’s species is recorded as Formidable Pokémon.

He has got an Elvis-like coif, a barbed tail he attacks his opponents with, and large, humorous monkey ears. In addition, he has an ability called gluttony — just like Kevin Spacey in Seven. Simisage is really cool that he’s giving himself that the thumbs-up, that is well deserved.

I am pretty certain Gurdurr is your strongest Pokémon in all Pokéworld. It’s classified as a Muscular Pokémon, it is a Fighting-type Pokémon, also its own abilities are Guts, Sheer Force, and Iron Fist. Additionally, it’s holding a steal beam over its head! Look at all its bulging muscles Gurdurr is so strong it’s kind of gross. If you need more proof, the Pokédex clarifies Gurdurr as follows:

«This Pokémon is so muscle and firmly built that a bunch of wrestlers could not make it budge an inch.»

Let’s watch your Musharna stand around that, Kyle.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10

Throh

I didn’t even know Pokémon wear clothing, but Throh is wearing a gi, and he’s a black belt to boot. Much like Gurdurr, Throh is additionally a straight-up Fighting-type Pokémon, along with also his species is Judo Pokémon. Throhs are so strong they don’t even evolve — that’s right, not even evolution can enhance them.
Official Pokémon Rating: Better Than Evolution

Minccino

As I said, I have absolutely no issue with this pick. Minccino is adorable!
Official Pokémon Rating: 10

Coming Up : Five More Amazing Pokémon…

Darmanitan

Here is another heavy hitter that Kyle fully passed up. Darmanitan is categorized as a Blazing Pokémon, which explains why its eyebrows are on fire. Like a flame ape isn’t frightening enough, here is Darmanitan’s Pokédex description:

«Its inner flame burns at 2,500º F, even which makes enough power it may ruin a dump truck with a single punch.»

2,500º F is still the melting point of steel. Steel. Not the Terminator could withstand molten steel! Now that’s a Pokémon!
Official Pokémon Rating: Stronger Than Arnold Schwarzenegger

Galvantula

Should you ever ran to a Galvantula, you may just dismiss it as a semi-creepy pest infestation. It could be the last mistake you ever make; when you turned around, it might shoot electrical webs from its fangs to jolt you into submission. Then it’d consume you. Do not think me that Nintendo would accept this kind of menacing Pokémon? To the Pokédex entrance:

«They use an electrically charged internet to trap their prey. Although it is immobilized by shock, then they leisurely consume it.»

Notice, Galvantula does not just absorb its own foes — it consumes themlike it is no matter. Even a Xenomorph would shudder and run away from one of these things.

Let’s be honest: Golurk is essentially The Iron Giant, from that one movie whose title I can’t remember. It might not be that original, but that doesn’t make Golurk any less badass. Golurk is classified as a Automaton Pokémon — for people who don’t understand,»Automaton» is Latin for»Giant robot which kills everything in its course.» Its Pokédex entry makes it seem even cooler:

«It blows across the sky at Mach rates. Taking away the seal onto its chest makes its internal energy move out of control»

So basically Golurk is a giant bomb which travels faster than the speed of the sound. What of Kyle’s Pokémon wants to go up from this?

This robot insect might not seem as frightening as some of the other Pokémon with this record, but he’s got quite the backstory. Genesect is a Paleozoic Pokémon which was initially alive 300 million decades ago, as it was»worried as the most powerful of hunters,» according to the Pokédex. Subsequently it was resurrected by Team Plasma, which made it even more powerful by including a cannon to the rear. Quick side note: if you ever decide to use science to resurrect an ancient being dreaded because of its unparalleled searching abilities, don’t offer it a cannon.

Predictably, Genesect broke from the lab and hasn’t been seen . To make matters worse, its own cannon can be equipped with four different drives, endowing it with all the powers of four different kinds of normal Pokémon.

Nobody knows the story behind Genesect’s name; fans believe it either means»genesis bug» or»genetic bug.» I have my own theory: In Japanesethis frightful creature is in fact called Genosect — I am guessing the real significance of its title is»genocide bug.»
Official Pokémon Rating: Genocide Bug

Thundurus

There is not much to mention, besides that Thundurus ain’t screwing around. Thundurus is a mythical Pokémon, and can be classified as a Bolt Strike Pokémon. . .Okay, I really don’t know about this last one, but the others are quite cool.