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Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Self Tagged in: girlfriend, goals Is love really just a click away? Recently I had the great honor of watching the film: ‘Clicking for Love,’ a new documentary by Pablo Pappano. The film itself is very interesting in that it really gets deep down inside the methods and mentality of people who engage in online dating. I know why I dated so much online, when I was single; however, seeing why other people took to the internet to find love was interesting in and of itself. Some people were too shy; some people were just too busy and others sought online romance because they were looking for a niche in their love life.topadultreview.com Pappano’s documentary is interesting because it challenges the conventions of online dating that I’ve long hung on to in that I feel that I know what works in dating; that if you don’t find success dating online you’re a troll or some sort of sycophant with a foot and spork fetish (yes, in that order). I feel that I learned a lot from the film and from talking to Pablo about it afterward. Pablo poses the question: Is love really just a click away? Alex: Why did you make this documentary? Pablo Pappano: About ten years ago my family finally brought AOL into our home and ever since then I had spent a lot of time meeting women off of the internet. Because of my experiences with online dating, I felt I had something to say.

Having attended film school and learning the ropes, I also learned to “write what you know” and I knew lot about online dating. That’s when I decided that I wanted to make a movie about that because there’s a lot of stories about online dating from my friends and myself and I wanted to tell those stories in a movie. I put an ad on CL to find people who wanted to tell their stories as well, about online dating to see how they connected. Alex: Why do you think people go online looking for love? Pablo Pappano: It’s an interesting question. For me, it’s because I was shy. It was easier to get rejected online, rather than in person. There’s such a passive aggressiveness in people. People can just go online and shop and go through a checklist and move on from other people. But it helps people of various distances meet, even if it’s only virtual. Still, there’s a prevailing stereotype that people who do date online are some how desperate and that’s totally not the case! I found that more people do date online than those that actually admit that they do. The behavior, not the internet attracts a specific type of person. Alex: Do you think dating companies run their sites to keep their members active?

Pablo Pappano: I don’t think companies purposely sabotage people to be single. It just seems like they know how many people have actually met on their sites. If they were more forthcoming with their data and real figures people would be more willing to try their services. The number of successful relationships would be compelling for people to know. I don’t think there’s a conspiracy to prevent people from being in relationships. A lot of the websites say you’ll meet the love of you life, it’s just misleading. They should say you’re going to meet lot of great people, psychos or something like that. (laughs) Are you clicking for love in all the wrong places? Alex: What did you learn from making this documentary? Pablo Pappano: At first, I learned that internet daters have a lot of hilarious stories to tell. When I met the people, I discovered there were interesting personalities behind these people; it was more than funny stories. It seemed like some people had dating baggage from their real life experiences and then went online anyway, and continued to date… They didn’t realize they were attracting similar people type of people in online dating as in real life. They needed to realize that they need to do something different; do the opposite. I learned that these people are going for similar types of people online as they were in real life. The behavior, not the internet attracts a specific type of person. Online daters date to find fault.

In the past, before online dating people would spend more time with each other to figure out if they are a match or not. Alex: So what surprised you most while making this documentary? Pablo Pappano: I was surprised about all the niche dating sites like midget and Gothic dating. I knew they were there, I just didn’t know the full extent of their existence. Speak about having a filter, you can really get extreme with your filters! I didn’t know about POF ( an abundance of Fish) and that was such a huge site and it was a hookup site for a lot of people more than anything.topadultreview.com

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There’s a lot of middle age and elderly online daters too. I didn’t know that; they’re outside of my age group; lots of divorced people and widowers. People see the movie and want to try online. Younger people I interviewed didn’t really try to do online dating and thought it was desperate. I figured that the younger people would be more willing to try online dating than older people.

I was wrong. Director’s Bio: Pablo Pappano went to the film school at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles where he directed the short films Sick (narrative) and Trinidad (documentary). He was a co-writer of the film Creepshow III for the segment titled “The Call Girl” for Taurus Films. Recently, Pablo directed a speculative professional for eHarmony.com after being a longtime member. He currently works as the  Vice President of Operations at his family’s exterior maintenance company and spends his free time pursuing his dream of making films. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: clicking for love, Online Dating, sexting All the good ones are gay, taken or both. As a gay male, I have never been the type to go bar hopping or clubbing every week. Instead, I decided in the past that no long-term, monogamous relationship could ever come from such a lifestyle filled with people searching for one-night stands.

I lost that hope years earlier. Thus, I turned long ago to the world of Internet Dating because without bars or clubs, as a gay man, I’m left playing an infinite and rather frustrating game of “gay or straight?” Is my perspective of the gay dating world so negatively skewed? The truth of the matter in the “gay dating world” is simple: young, gay males claim to want such a passionate, enduring romance à la “Brokeback Mountain”, but their actions prove to be extremely reverse. I remember being drawn to older men because I felt they had an air of stability, of less drama. They do not want to go out every night, and they have goals, or at least careers. My first dating experiences with older men always seemed to be rather pleasant for me. 1st dates all seemed to go swimmingly every single time. However, something always happened that has occurred in every instance of my dating older men: their dependency on me become unbearable. Interestingly enough, this dependency seems to grow exponentially the more the age of the person I date increases. Most recently I dated a man ten years my senior, and I can guarantee it will not happen again. Dating began nicely, as stated prior. We would phone occasionally, with both of us doing the dialing. But something happened after the first month of occasionally seeing or talking to each other: It seemed the more we would go on dates, the clingier the guy got. I did my best to ignore what I considered my “usual feelings” to see if I could allow myself to just enjoy the casual dating, but soon I found myself avoiding phone calls (when we did talk, I noticed my obvious lack of enthusiasm to carry a conversation and his pitiful efforts to sustain one), my Twitter account (he made sure to comment on every single tweet I composed), and my Facebook, just so I could have some peace away from this person. I had been honest from the very beginning, as I am with all persons I go on dates with and expect to continue casually dating: I am extremely busy (I was in my last semester of graduate school at the time of this last experience), and I put my schooling before men.

The more he stalked my every virtual move, the more distant I would become. The more distant I became, the more he would stalk me. It was a never-ending circle of creeper for me and a valiant effort of desperation on his part. Avoidance became my main focus as opposed to school. I watched what I posted online, when I posted it, and to whom I posted. Flash forward two more months: I stop answering phone calls (every time he called he would leave a voicemail, and every time I would delete it without listening) and completely shut off every line of communication. I cannot handle an overload of intense clinginess. I want to fall in love with someone and both be just mad about each other, but that is not going to happen with them breathing down my neck! Lesson learned: The older the man, the more emotionally dependent they become on you. They’re like leeches, waiting to suck out every ounce of energy you can give them, just so they no longer feel lonely.

Is this the future I have to look forward to, thriving off any affection shown to me in the least because my pickiness, as opposed to helping me find the man I need, has pushed me away from men in general? Would it be too much to ask for a completely stable person my age? Whatever the answers might be, it is my personal decision to give up older for a while and try dating someone closer to my age, give or take a year my junior to see where the next adventure may lead. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Not Business as Usual. Social Network Powered Dating FTW.

Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Dating & Relationships, For Men, GLBT, Opinion, Self Tagged in: gay dating, Online Dating January announces the beginning of a New Year. Fashion isn’t all about women. This time we have something to say to the male folks who are incredibly fashion conscious. Last year we saw some severe fashion mistakes men made. Mistakes that made them look either like a vintage car or tasteless. Do not repeat them again.

Now if you don’t agree with this statement here we are with our reasons in the form of common mistakes men made in fashion during 2012. Take a look! Ill-fitting suits It appeared that winter came with little notice in 2012! The suits men wore were a size or two too big for them. So, even the most fashionable men wearing the most expensive suits looked like clowns! So, this time give yourself a shake and vow that you will at least have a summer coat that fit you properly this Winter. Hook-like pockets Trousers were the next thing that were unwisely picked by men during 2012. Why? Because every time they stood with either of their legs bent, the trouser pleats would poke their noses out like hooks! So, the pockets would stick out making them look ill fashioned. Tailor your trousers wisely this year so that the pleats at the fronts remain flat. Un-tucked formals Last year some guys continued to think that the only way to give their formals a twist was by keeping the shirts un-tucked. Unfortunately, this is very foolish as the terms ‘un-tucked’ and ‘formals’ just do not mix at all!

So, the moral this year is, stay away from such unwise ideologies of fashion while making it a point to tuck in your formal shirt. Big fat wallets individuals who have been thinking that a great way to attract pretty women is to flaunt their big fat wallets were proven wrong! Actually, they ridiculed themselves last year by making their pockets look like tortoise shells with their money packed wallet inside their pockets giving vivid evidence of its presence.  Come on, grow up! There are other approaches to show you are rich. Therefore, trim your wallet and get a sleeker one, and throw away those hulking ones if you seriously want to get noticed by the fairer sex. Though we have just entered a new year, some basics are still to be kept in mind. It is essential that you differentiate between party wear and formals. The colors for tone for this year are bright shades. So if you are meeting people in a casual or formal setting, then try to select bright colors. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Fashion, Tips & Advice Tagged in: Fashion, Trends Alright, so here goes… a guy and myself (a girl) started off as friends with benefits. It took forever for us to actually get to the point of us hooking up, and it all started by a lot of texting. Which made it all feel like the start of a relationship, we’ve only had sex once, but we still do other stuff all the time.

Then we decided to end things because our whole mutual friend group wasn’t okay with us being fwbs…I feel as if he has feelings for me, and for some reason I can’t get him out of my mind…but we both also don’t believe in relationships. I am just as my name says “confused and lost” and I don’t know where to go from here… help me? — Confused and Lost Dear ‘Confused and Lost,’ get out of your head and go see about this boy! It’s not hard. Obviously you’re both attracted to one another. To help you say that “you don’t believe in relationships” tells me that you’ve either been burned by another person in a previous relationship, or have witnessed enough people get burned by them. In either case they’re bogus reasons not to pursue someone that you can’t get out of your mind that could have the same feelings as you. Speak to the guy and tell him how you feel. If he does, too, great! You’re gonna have fun together and probably screw each other silly before settling into a relationship.

Or you don’t… Life is too short not to give it a try. You know? Once, there was a gal I had pretty strong feelings for and I didn’t go for it. There are numerous times when I wondered “what if.” You don’t want to be in that position. Take charge and deal with the consequences! Hi. my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I went through no contact with him for a month. It was a Long Distance Relationship. He said that he doesn’t want me to be his gf anymore and at the same time said that he would still like to start over. a few days ago he said that he misses me a bit and that it wasn’t enough to restart though. Last night he said that he still cares since he stayed up for me just to answer a question I kept postponing. How can I make him miss me enough for us to start over? We both know that our past relationship was flawed and that we wouldn’t make the same mistakes. He says only time will tell if we get back. But time is wasted if we don’t do anything about it. Especially that life is short.

So please help me do something this time. — Patricia the Ham Fisted We guys are afraid of lots of things. Women with three nipples, our team’s star player going down and getting injured and straight up commitment! Yep. Commitment phobia is a thing. But knowing whether or not something requires time or not is the trick. Guys like attention. That’s a fact. It demonstrates they’re wanted. Thus, there’s really no urgency to act.

So continuing to hit him up only validates that he’s in no need to rush. He just doesn’t. That said, what do you do? Confront him and tell him what you want and what you don’t. Ask him where he’s at and tell him you need to know; you deserve to know. Now, he may need time. That’s okay. Then give him time and space but really, really give it to him. No texting, no calls, no Social Messages. Nothing! Start living your daily life, doing things for yourself with family and friends.

Showing that you’re doing well without him can help get him going… It’s also something to desire. a sad girl trying desperately to get with you isn’t as attractive. Just isn’t. Give it a go and see what happens. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Ask the Urban Dater No. Just. No!!!! Women aren’t as picky as many people think; it’s just that sometimes, guys just don’t understand how to appeal to them. I know, guys, it might hurt to hear it. But if you’re striking out with the fairer sex, it’s might have been a long time since you took an honest look at yourself in the mirror. Women are human beings, and human beings have instincts. It’s our instinctual, and not intellectual, needs that initially attract us to one another.

So maybe your one-liners or finger-on-the-pulse political opinions aren’t wowing women because it’s not your mind, it’s your body that they’re going to notice first. What You See Is What You Want Maybe it sounds a little unfair; after all, it’s a known fact that no woman wants to be objectified as just a body to look at, nor should she be. Similar goes for men. However, the first sense through which every person experiences one another is sight, so looking good is the first step to attracting someone worth talking to. Most relationships fall apart because one person or the other has “let themselves go;” in other words, when you stop caring about how you look, you stop being someone people want to spend time with. Harsh, but true. Of course, a fantastic physical appearance isn’t all you need to keep someone interested, but it’s undoubtedly the groundwork you need to lay before you can expect the ladies to flock your way. Looking Good= Feeling Good— Who Knew?

Why is it so important to have a body you’re proud of? Because how you look determines how you feel, and self-esteem exudes the airs that send subconscious signals to the people around you. The higher your self-esteem, the more positive those signals. Do you follow me? So, how do you turn your body into the body you can feel good about ( and the body that women will feel pretty good about, too)? The Diet Solution Review took a look at the question of what a “good” body is, and how to create it for yourself, and the answer comes down to one simple fact: you need to be honest with yourself. Take an inventory of your body. Great abs, flabby chest, a lot of hair on your back, to-die-for calves… acknowledge it all. Then, take the things you can’t change—for instance, the excess hair on your back (it always grows back!)—and force yourself to accept it.

All done accepting yourself? Great. Now let’s move on to changing yourself. Work It Like You’re Worth It An idea of what you can change about your body won’t necessarily help you attract the reverse sex. A lot of men make the mistake of over- or under-accentuating their best physical features—both deadly moves in the eyes of a female. People love to say, “It’s not science,” when it comes to the do’s and don’ts of attracting women, but it is more scientific than anything else. Look, here’s what women want: ·         Muscular arms that weren’t questionably sculpted by steroids ·         A flat stomach with identifiable abs ·         Healthy skin ·         Clean hair, lightly styled (a squirt of mousse or some sculpting gel will do the trick, but please avoid Pauly D’s helmet-head look) ·         A smile To start out, get yourself to the gym and work your arms and core, alternating days to focus on each.  Don’t overdo it, though, suggests The Truth About Abs Review-doing too much in one area can get you out of proportion- and no woman wants to cuddle with the Hulk.

For your skin, focus on a healthy, accessible diet. Buy a juicer while making yourself fresh-squeezed fruit and vegetable juice smoothies. Avoid sugar, caffeine and large amounts of red meat; all three dull the tone of your skin. You Look Great, Now What? Your stomach is a washboard and you can bench-press your weight. Do yourself—and all the hard work you did to get here—a favor and dress like there’s something worth seeing under your clothes.